


No rest for the wicked

by fleurjaune



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alcohol, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Emotionally Repressed, F/M, Gabriel is possibly too nice here, Hugs, Nathalie Sancoeur-centric, No Plot/Plotless, POV Nathalie Sancoeur, Pre-Relationship, Self-Worth Issues, Sick Nathalie Sancoeur, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, but hey she has friends!, sort of!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27358081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurjaune/pseuds/fleurjaune
Summary: Nathalie just wants one nice normal night out where she doesn't have to think about the Agrestes or any Miraculous.Obviously that was too much to hope for.
Relationships: Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth/Nathalie Sancoeur
Comments: 18
Kudos: 69





	No rest for the wicked

Nathalie considered saying something.

Given how sparse her social life was it didn’t seem ridiculous to ask that the one night she actually had something on Gabriel could manage to abstain from sending out any akumas. Yet in itself just sounded sad. She didn’t want his pity, and despite the fact that at her worst she sometimes wondered if he realised that despite her name she actually had emotions, even _he_ would find her pitiable if she asked like that, as if she didn’t already see enough pity in his eyes every time she detransformed.

Besides on sensing the right emotion he’d been known to prioritise it over his work commitments, and over _Adrien_ even.

Whatever he might say if she asked he was hardly going to actually put her having a nice night out with friends above getting his wife back. She couldn’t even expect him to. It was hardly like the two things were equal. If she knew the akuma in question would succeed and end all of this then she’d send it out herself.

Asking might even be unnecessary. It had taken a while to set a date given all the others wanted to go out on a Friday so they didn’t have to worry about work the next day, as if any of them were young and reckless enough to get too drunk to function tomorrow, but Nathalie had eventually managed to create a Friday evening in December where neither Gabriel nor Adrien had anything on.

Her suggestion that perhaps Gabriel should use it to actually spend time with his son seemed likely to be ignored, but perhaps the fact of Adrien being in the house, not occupied by anything, and thus likely to poke his head into the Atelier might act as some sort of rein on his father’s actions. 

Mayura’s if not absence, then at least delay in her arriving on the scene, if he started things without her in the house might make him think twice too, but given the guilt he radiated whenever she transformed that could probably easily go either way.

Still, there might not even be any suitable candidates for an akumatisation out there. It wasn’t like he sent them out every single day.

Though it was a Friday night in December when everybody was forcing themselves to enjoy all the parties and meet-ups in the build up to Christmas, so the chances of people being emotionally devastated enough seemed elevated. Even so, asking might be totally unnecessary. There was no real reason to assume he’d do anything this evening. She could be embarrassing herself for nothing.

She still considered saying something up until it was time to go, but she found herself tidying her desk and logging off her computer without saying anything about it.

“I’m off for the day, sir.” She said as she collected up her bag and coat.

She waited for his acknowledgement. Had he said something then, asked about her weekend, anything, maybe she would have mentioned she’d be busy tonight, but he didn’t. He acknowledged her with a nod barely tearing his eyes away from his screen.

So she didn’t say anything.

If he noticed the front door going, and wondered at her leaving the house rather than going to the room he’d lent her upstairs, she didn’t know. He certainly didn’t follow her out.

The rain outside was a sufficient distraction in terms of stopping her from overthinking what was wrong with her that she couldn’t just ask for this one small thing for herself. Instead there was the weather to be annoyed at, since she’d never keep her hair dry in the time it took to reach the metro station. Any ideas she’d had of not having to wash her hair when she got back to her apartment to change went flying out the window.

She found herself considering options on the train. Before the rain she’d thought she’d keep it up, if more casually restyled. Whatever articles on hairstyling claimed when her hair came out of a bun she might get the promised large waves but there was always one bit that curved out in an odd place and she could never straighten it out without losing the rest. If she was washing her hair though then she could try and blow it out nicely rather than the perfunctory drying she did for work.

By the time she got there and headed into the shower she’d almost convinced herself the rain was a good thing. She and her old roommates from when she’d first moved to Paris only managed to get together once or twice a year, she might as well look her best for it.

* * *

“I’m just glad to finally be able to drink again. 9 months of pregnancy and then months of breastfeeding after is a nightmare.” Julie announced.

“How is baby Louis?” She asked.

“Not so much of a baby anymore. He’s started crawling now, I thought we’d have at least another month before that happened based on Adam.”

“In my blessedly child-free ignorance isn’t crawling a good thing?” asked Stéphanie.

“You have clearly never had to deal with the ongoing panic that is dealing with a child that’s suddenly discovered mobility. You take your eye off them for one minute and they’re gods knows where doing god knows what.”

“Don’t you still have that with Adam too?” Nathalie asked, “The things Adrien used to get up to as a toddler.”

“Oh it’s a nightmare,” Julie agreed, “Trust me though, when you have you own you’ll know it’s worth it.”

Nathalie smiled fixedly, at the reminder that she _didn’t_ have Adrien, not really, and that these days having any of her own, well, that didn’t seem very likely. 

“I’ll bear that in mind,” said Pauline, thankfully not seeming to notice anything amiss in her expression.

Neither did Stéphanie, who allowed, “You do that. I’m happy to remain without myself.”

* * *

.

Her phone went again.

“Sorry, I’d best check that.” She apologised and pulled her phone out. Gabriel. Of course. It wasn’t as if anyone else was likely to be texting her on a Friday night.

At least it was only a query about whether she’d confirmed the fitting with Clara Nightingale and nothing Papillon related. A small bit of regret hit her that he wasn’t making use of the evening to spend any time with Adrien but at least work was the safer of his alternative activities.

She quickly typed out a confirmation and sent it before apologising again. “Sorry, work.”

She looked up to see the others’ faces in various different takes on unimpressed.

“It’s a Friday night, I know you’ve always been a workaholic but they can’t actually expect you to respond.” Julie asserted.

She tried to make a joke out of it, exaggerating her eye roll. “You’ve clearly never met M.Agreste. I’m not sure he’d know the weekends were different to weekdays if it wasn’t for me not being in the office.”

“Seriously though,” said Pauline, “legally they can’t do anything to you for not answering. Not outside work hours.”

Nathalie shrugged, “It’s generally less effort in the long term, and my contract does include extra remuneration for being available on weekends.”

A gleam lit up Stéphanie’s eyes. “It’s not a weekend today.”

“No?” admitted Nathalie unsure where this was going.

“So no more answering the phone.”

“What if it’s something important?”

“How important can it be?” Julie pointed out.

Nathalie was starting to wish she’d just ignored the first text, or made her excuses and gone to the loos and answered it there. Attention on her phone usage was the last thing someone with her side job needed. True, they tried to keep anything incriminating off their civilian phones but they couldn’t be perfect.

“Leave it on the table.” Stéphanie says. “You’ll be able to read the notification and then if-and only if, it actually is an emergency you can reply. “

“Alright.” Nathalie acquiesced reluctantly. She didn’t like the idea, but she did want to move onto another topic. “Weren’t you going to order us more drink?”

Marriage and finally leaving academia for a full time job didn’t seem to have dampened any of Stéphanie’s ability to flag down waiters much quicker than any of the rest of them. This might have been because she’d always had the least shame of any of them.

“How is work anyway?” asked Pauline, “Started looking for anything new?”

“No, did you think I was?” answered Nathalie trying to remember what on earth she’d said to give that impression. Maybe she’d already drank too much if she’d was forgetting parts of the conversation.

“You seemed pretty overwhelmed last time. I know you’re attached to the kid but you can’t drive yourself to breaking point when there’s easier jobs out there.”

Nathalie shrugged, uncomfortable at this line of questioning, “It pays well.”

A stupid answer when there was no way she was the best paid person at the table but then she doubted any of them expected her to re-train to be qualified for one of their professions.

Julia replied, “Well I hope so. I know he lost his wife and it’s all very sad but he sounds awful. He was a real dick on that TV show where the contestant got akumatised.”

It wasn’t as if she could tell them that being like that had been a deliberate choice on his part to provoke negative emotions for an akuma, and that though Gabriel could be abrasive he wasn’t so bad when he wasn’t trying to bring his wife back. Instead she weakly offered “He’s not that bad if you get to know him.”

“If you say so.” Pauline replied sceptically.

Thankfully their new bottle of crémant arrived and distracted them from the conversation. Once everyone had got a refill Nathalie decided to take control of switching the topic.

“How are plans going for your wedding anyway, Pauline?”

“I think we’re finally almost there. It’s taken long enough. Honestly, I’m glad we’re just having a civil service and a religious one isn’t on the table for us. I don’t know how you did both Julie.”

“It was different for me and Nicolas, I wasn’t bothered either way, but his family would have been disappointed if we didn’t have a church wedding as well, and secretly he would have been too.”

“Did you and Céline resolve the croquembouche argument?” asked Stephanie.

“What’s the croquembouche argument?” Nathalie asked, trying not to feel left out for not knowing when she hadn’t contacted Pauline either. It was hard these days to find the time, and she was always so tired once she got home, whether it was the fault of the Peacock Miraculous or just stress generally.

“Oh, _I_ want a traditional croquembouche, but Céline wants a macaron one.”

Nathalie’s phone went again. She glanced at it, but it wasn’t anything Gabriel would need an immediate answer for, so she left it.

The others weren’t quick enough to look away from her before she looked up.

“Good for you!” said Stéphanie clinking her glass against Nathalie’s in congratulations and almost knocking it over. Thankfully she managed to catch it in time but she did wonder how much more Stéphanie had drank than the rest of them.

“So why does she want a macaron one anyway?” Julie asked, also looking a bit concerned at Stephanie’s behaviour.

“She _says_ it’s because we had macarons on our first date. I think she just likes macarons more than profiteroles. I can’t believe I’m marrying someone who wants to reduce the amount of choux in our lives.”

“So which are you having then?” Nathalie asked.

Pauline dropped her head into her hand in embarrassment. “Both.”

“Two cakes?” asked Stéphanie.

“No. One. It’s mainly a normal one, but the bakery says they can include some macarons in it. Seems more sensible as decoration than flowers anyway.”

“Ooh, did you go to the bakery I recommended?” Stéphanie said.

“Yeah, we’re using the Dupain-Chengs. I’m up in Paris for work the day before the wedding so it’s no hardship to pick it up.”

“Is that who you used Stéphanie? Yours was delicious.”

“Yeah. Totally worth the price.”

Her phone went again. This time he’d just sent her name and a question mark. The others were right, she decided, she didn’t need to answer them all immediately. This was her first night out in ages, Gabriel couldn’t expect her to constantly answer him straightaway, and his last text wasn’t even something that needed dealing with until Monday. Maybe he’d give up on work and look after Adrien instead if she ignored him.

“Well, you won’t be disappointed in the macarons. Adrien brought some home from school the other day. Their daughter’s in his class.”

“Does she bring things in often? I hadn’t considered the possibility of free pastries as a benefit when Adam goes to school.”

“Um, sometimes. I think” Nathalie said. “They don’t usually make their way to the house though. She must have given him extra or something.”

“Are they close friends then?”

She wasn’t really sure. Nino of the unfortunate taste in loud music was his closest friend but further than that, she wasn’t sure who Adrien genuinely liked and who he just hung around with because his friend did or because they were there.

“I’m not sure. I think there’s a slight crush on her side though.” That much had been clear

“I can’t believe you’re trading on your boss’ son’s model looks to get free pastries.”

“Adrien’s got lots of good qualities, and you make it sound like I’m deliberately angling for macarons.”

“Aren’t you?” asked Pauline.

“No!”

“You should be. At least the boy has the sense to.”

“You’re assuming Adrien has any idea she likes him.”

“Oh. She must be more subtle than I was as a teenager then.” Julie said.

Nathalie didn’t quite manage to stifle a laugh. “I would not say that. I’ve met her, what twice? Three times? Subtle is not the word I’d use. Luckily, or unluckily for her, Adrien is, I do love the boy, but he’s a bit oblivious about these things.” She repressed the bitter addendum that he got it from his father. Though that was unfair. It wasn’t like she wanted him to notice and Emilie could be blind to other people’s feelings too. Adrien was doomed by both sides.

Her phone beeped again. She decided to not even look down.

“So, Pauline will the macarons match the colour scheme?” she asked instead. That was something people had at weddings didn’t they?

She’d heard more about Julie’s wedding than Stéphanie’s. As one of the first of anyone her age she knew getting married, there had at least been a sheen of novelty to it then. That had dimmed significantly in the years since, and she’d become drastically less interested in asking about them. Though at least the advantage of being no one’s best friend was that she was no one’s main confidante for their wedding plans.

Her phone went _again._ This was just getting embarrassing now. Deciding to ignore it on principle, she refused to even look at it.

Instead she attempted to focus on her food and the conversation. Thankfully Pauline had enough to say about the wedding in general that Nathalie didn’t need to contribute that much. Just ignore her phone. She idly noticed that she was racing through the wine but really that was Gabriel's fault, if he wanted her to drink less he should stop texting her, she could hardly help taking a gulp each time it went.

Then her phone rang.

All of them froze. “Is that still your boss?”

Nathalie nodded weakly, and reached out for the phone.

“Seriously, that has to illegal.” Pauline muttered ignoring her earlier explanation about her contract.

Unfortunately while Nathalie had hesitated Stéphanie hadn’t and even as she tried to grab her phone back she could only watch in horror, images of _this_ being how she was outed as Mayura flashing through her head, as her friend answered the phone, “Can’t you just leave her alone? It's Friday night what's wrong with you?”

Nathalie could only imagine what Gabriel might be saying in response. She frantically motioned at Stéphanie to give the phone back, and was very close to dropping any dignity she had in front of the other patrons of the restaurant and just getting up and physically grabbing it off her.

“No, _obviously_ I'm not Nathalie _._ She would fine if you weren’t harassing her.” Stéphanie's expression changed to confusion, “yes, of course she can talk, why would she be hurt?” her eyes moved over to look Nathalie up and down, “OK I'll pass you over.”

She passed the phone back over to Nathalie but her assessing look didn’t change.

“I'm so sorry sir,” started Nathalie, but Gabriel interrupted her before she could go any further.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine.”

“Why weren’t you answering me?”

“I’m sorry, I” Nathalie fumbled. It sounded ridiculous now to admit what she'd been doing, it was nothing like the Nathalie he knew at all. She should have realised that there was something important when he kept texting. “Didn’t hear the phone. It's a very noisy restaurant.”

“You’re out at a restaurant.”

“Yes.” She admitted.

“Are you on a date?”

“ _What?_ No” Why would he think that? Did he think she was on a date with _Stéphanie?_ “Just out with friends.”

“Good.”

“Sir?” She asked in the absence of any better idea of how to respond to that.

“I mean, should you be out? In your condition?” He asked as if he hadn’t let her, asked her even, to transform when she’d been in a much worse state.

“In my _condition_? I’ve told you I have it under control,”

“You were coughing earlier at work.”

“Because some coffee went down the wrong way. If I can manage to be” just in time she remembered she was in public, “everything I do for you, I think I can manage one dinner out. Look I’m sorry for not answering your texts. It won’t happen again.”

“It’d better not.”

“What did you need anyway, I don’t know if I’ll be able to answer now, but I can try.”

“Nothing really. I don’t need an answer now if you’re not in a state to give it.”

“Then, why?” she trailed off in confusion. If he didn’t need her response then she couldn’t understand the barrage of texts and then the phone call.

“I was worried Nathalie. You never fail to respond like that. What if something had happened to you?”

Hit by his unexpected concern she does what she always does and lies, “Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

He sighs, clearly not believing her any more than she believes herself.

She tries again, “We’d know if it was that bad. You know what it would look like.”

It’s not completely a lie, she knows she’s better off than Emilie after this long using the Miraculous. Emilie must have been using it constantly to degrade as she quickly as she did. However it’s not the whole truth either because she can’t expect Gabriel to know how she is when she does her best to hide how bad it gets from him.

“When are you heading home? Do you need me to send the car for you?”

“No, your driver has the night off.”

“How are you getting home then?”

“I don’t know, taxi? The metro? I’m an adult women, I can get myself home.”

“But you _are_ coming back to the house?”

She hadn’t planned to. Not when she was on her way to getting thoroughly tipsy. The idea of being drunk around Gabriel was dangerous. “I wasn’t going to. I wouldn’t want to wake anyone up.”

Besides she needed to get back to living in her own apartment anyway. God knows what Adrien thought was going on with the number of nights she stayed there.

“You’re staying out _that_ late?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Probably not but she wasn’t going to say that to him.

She expected him to disagree further but when he eventually spoke all he said was, “Text me when you get there at least.”

Relieved to have got away with it she managed to hold back from pointing out she wasn’t Adrien. “Alright. I will if it will make you happy.”

“Thank you.” He hesitated. “Enjoy your night Nathalie.”

“Goodnight sir.” She said cutting the call. About to put the phone down she suddenly thought to check the texts. Only to mentally kick herself as she saw a thread of messaging asking her why was she wasn’t responding, and if she was ok. She wanted to groan, she should have just responded to the second one explaining she was out and would answer further later.

The others were looking at her like she’d grown a second head.

“Are you ill?” Julie ventured.

“I’m sorry?”

“You said, your condition, and that it wasn’t that bad yet.” She replied.

Stéphanie cut in, “I thought he was about to have a panic attack when I answered your phone. Why would he think you might be incapacitated?”

This hadn’t been how her evening was meant to go. She’d wanted to forget about everything with the Miraculous, forget about the Agrestes. The latter might have been impossible but she had hopes for the former. Still, now they’d raised the point she supposed she should be spreading some sort of explanation for what was happening, what was _going_ to happen with her. These people hadn’t been where she’d meant to start doing that, but that was life she supposed.

“I’m…not well.” She admitted.

They just looked at her waiting for her to go on. She hated it. She wasn’t good at opening up to people and they knew that.

“The last few months, I’ve recurrent periods of…weakness I suppose. I’m tired all the time, and there’s coughing fits. I’ve been to the doctor but they can’t find the root cause, so it’s all symptom management, until they find another test to send me for.”

“Why didn’t you say something earlier? I’ve been babbling on about my wedding, and you’re seriously ill.” Said Pauline.

“I was hoping to get a night off from thinking about it, and it’s not a constant thing, I’m fine _now_ , I’m fine most of the time, whatever Ga-“ she corrected herself, “M.Agreste thinks.”

Julie’s eyes narrowed. “Is he understanding about it?”

“Clearly.” Stephanie replied. “You didn’t hear him on the phone.”

“I didn’t ask you.” 

Nathalie tried to smooth things over. “It’s fine. He’s very considerate. If anything he’s overly concerned.”

“How can he be overly concerned?” Julie asked.

“Oh, you know, always trying to prescribe me rest at work, as if that doesn’t just create more work to do later.”

“So it’s not a problem getting out for appointments then? I know they have to let you go but some places don’t make it easy.”

“No, it’s fine; the doctor just comes to the house.” She replied without thinking. She only remembered how abnormal this was with the silent stares the others answered her with.

Eventually Stéphanie went, “ _His_ house?”

“My workplace, yes.” She answered as flatly as possible, thankful only that she’d managed not to say _our_ house, given it felt like that sometimes.

“That’s…convenient.” went Julie.

“I always forget you work there. Stupid really given how much you talk about his son. Does he organise that then? That’s not standard medical care.” Said Pauline.

“Yes.” Nathalie said falling back on her old tactic of volunteering as little information as possible. She clearly couldn’t be trusted to talk, she must have had more wine than she’d realised. The last thing she needed to do now was admit she’d basically moved in there. That _would_ look suspicious.

“Right, well, I suppose I can see why you defended him earlier.” Said Julie.

“Can we talk about something else? I just wanted one night without having to think about this.” She implored them.

“Yeah, sure.” Said Pauline, and the others nodded, but no one seemed to want to return to their former conversations after the news of her ill-health.

Instead Julie busied herself filling up their glasses while Pauline fiddled with her engagement ring and wouldn’t meet Nathalie’s eyes.

“So…has anyone else been caught up in these Akuma attacks?” Stephanie ventured.

“That’s insensitive.” Said Julie. “You must know Nathalie has to have been, her employer’s involvement’s been on the news.”

Thankfully only a fraction of his involvement as it happened. Nathalie waved it off, “It’s fine. I’ve never been a direct target.” Akumatised, yes, but that had been voluntary.

“Hey, I’ve been caught up in two too, hasn’t everyone?”

“No, thankfully they haven’t made their way out to Versailles.” Julie said. “Between maternity leave and working from home I rarely come into the certain of Paris these days.”

“And shockingly enough given that I’ve moved out of Paris completely I’ve managed to totally avoid them.” Pauline added.

“Be boring then. Have you ever seen Papillon Nathalie?”

“Surely you’ve noticed he doesn’t usually come out during attacks?” She said rather than give an outright lie. She couldn’t remember now if she’d ever been in a situation publically where she would have encountered him as Nathalie rather than as Mayura.

“Pity. I wanted to know if he’s as tall as he looks on TV.”

“ _Stéphanie.”_ Julie shrieked, “He’s a supervillain.”

“Your point? If he gets to terrorise Paris, then I get to objectify him. Might as well get something out of it.”

“You can’t have a celebrity crush on a supervillain.”

“I don’t know” offered Pauline, “Is it really worse than having a crush on a politician? There’s no lasting damage from his attacks. It’s not like Papillon is killing people with drone strikes.”

“ _Pauline,_ I didn’t even think you liked men anymore.”

“Mostly I don’t but I can appreciate the aesthetic.”

Nathalie didn’t trust herself to speak. The only small sliver of an upside was that there was no way Gabriel would _ever_ hear about this conversation.

“Nathalie, back me up here, tell them it’s wrong to be attracted to Papillion. The man threatened to start World War 3.”

There were a lot of reasons Nathalie could have given them which would make her a total hypocrite but instead she just said, “You don’t even know what he looks like under the mask.”

“That’s the fun of it” Stéphanie said.

“Besides it’s a kinky mask.” Added Pauline.

She desperately tried not to imagine Gabriel’s reaction if he heard that, and mentally winced knowing this whole conversation was going to run through her head the next time she saw him transformed.

“You can’t say that.”

“Why?”

“He’s a supervillain, and he’s already in a relationship, it’s doubly wrong.”

Nathalie put her wine glass down. They couldn’t know about Emilie. That was impossible. Neither she nor Gabriel had admitted what Papillon wanted the miraculous for. Still, she found herself preparing to run as if that would do anything to help.

“What, do you think Mayura’s going to come after us for joking about her boyfriend? I’m sure she’s got better things to do.” Stéphanie answered.

At least she hadn’t been drinking at that point in time, otherwise she would have choked. Following the write up of the akuma attacks online she’d seen people make the assumption before, but she’d never expected someone to say it to her out loud.

“Are they a couple then? I hadn’t seen that on the news, but I guess maybe we get less of it in Lyon than you do here.” Pauline said.

“We don’t know officially.” Said Stéphanie, “But it’s pretty obvious.”

“If you’re asking you mustn’t have seen much of the helicopter footage of their interactions. He’s so attentive to her. He could teach some of the husbands I know things.” Julie agreed.

The latter part of that sentence was truer than Julie could know but unfortunately Mayura had nothing to do with any of it. 

“Ha, Madame-Don’t-Objectify-The-Supervillain, isn’t as unaffected as she claims.”

“I’m just saying it’s sweet.”

“You’re quiet Nathalie.” Pauline went. “Not a Papillon fan then?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I don’t think most people are.”

Stéphanie laughed, “Even I’m not a fan. I mean, generally yeah, there’s no aftereffects, but it’s still terrifying to get caught up in. I just think he owes me for terrifying me. And for trashing my favourite café when Ladybug was in New York and couldn’t fix it.”

Nathalie felt guilt pooling in her stomach like nausea. The weight of what she’d done that time hadn’t hit her until after. She’d known academically Ladybug wasn’t there to fix it but it wasn’t until she’d seen the rubble on the news she’d really believed it.

“Do you think he’d really have used that bomb?” Pauline asked, “Did he even really have one, or was it an illusion? I mean it seems out of character.”

That was the question of the year. Nathalie couldn’t reconcile the man who worried over her so much when she was ill with the man who had been ready to let her die in a nuclear holocaust with the rest of the world.

“I’d like to think he wouldn’t.” Nathalie said, and then cringed when she realised how wholeheartedly she’d said that. “Or maybe I’m just telling myself that to reassure myself nothing worse than the usual akumas are going to happen.”

“Is it that bad here?” Pauline asked.

“In Paris? I don’t know, but Adrien’s school is constantly getting caught up in it,” and whether it was the drink, or the distance from Gabriel she said, “Sometimes I’d like to be able to punch him for that.”

She knew he couldn’t let go of any chance to save Emilie, and Adrien generally seemed to escape the attacks themselves, but she wished he’d think of other people to akumatise who _didn’t_ go to Francoise Dupont. Or at least focus only on options like Chloé which gave them a real chance of winning there.

Stéphanie laughed, “I can see you doing that.”

“Please don’t punch Papillon,” Julie asked, “Just run if you see him.”

“Why doesn’t your boss move his son to another school then?” Pauline asked.

“No,” she said, “I can’t let him get that idea in his head. Adrien loves his school. He’s never been before and he’s really bonded with his friends there. And anyway, if he did take Adrien out he’d probably go back to homeschooling.”

“Not if that new law passes.”

“I have my fingers crossed for that,” she confessed, “I’m trying to make sure he never hears about it until it passes, so he doesn’t get it in his head to lobby against it.”

The sooner The Republic made homeschooling Adrien an impossibility that Gabriel couldn’t hold over his son’s head the better. Though it was ironic that that was the anti-terrorism law that was going to affect Papillon. Thank goodness for laïcité she guessed.

“You’d be surprised how many apparently normal people got upset at that part of it,” Julie said, “there were some parents at Adam’s nursery complaining even though I doubt any of them seriously planned to homeschool their children before this. I mean, otherwise they wouldn’t be at nursery would they?”

Thankfully that seemed to safely push the conversation into non-Papillon topics.

* * *

Julie caught her at the door at the door as the other’s left. “Are you sure everything’s ok?”

“I’m fine. Why?”

“It’s just. If I hadn’t known you who you were talking to on the phone earlier I’d be worried you had a controlling boyfriend.”

Nathalie couldn’t stop herself from laughing, “He might be controlling but he’s certainly not my boyfriend.”

“That wasn’t really the part I was worried about.”

“It’s fine. He just worried about my health. I’ve worked for him for a long time. He’ll be screwed if he has to replace me.”

Julie pursed her lips. “If you’re sure. Does he usually send you work texts to check up on your health?”

“I”, She’d never considered it that way, he’d always jus texted her when he needed her, “I don’t think that’s what was going on.” Although now suddenly she couldn’t stop trying to think back to before she’d used the Peacock and whether the frequency of their communications had increased.

“Humph. If you say so.” Julie said, “Did you want to share my taxi? We could drop you on the way to the station?”

“That,” Nathalie’s eyes caught on a very familiar car, “Won’t be necessary apparently.”

“Nathalie?”

“He sent the car.” She said. Her annoyance at him ignoring her earlier refusal fought with the part of her that enjoyed it whenever he got it into his head to worry over her.

She turned to Julie, “Do you want a lift?”

“No, it’s ok, my taxi’s already here. I can’t send him away now.”

“Well if you’re sure,” Nathalie learnt over to cheek kiss her goodbye, “I should be going then.”

She crossed the road to where the car was waiting, and turned to wave back at Julie, who was still watching her frowning, as she opened the door to the car.

This turned out to a disastrous move as it meant that she only came face to face with Gabriel after she’d already started to move to get in.

She froze, uncomfortably aware of how one of her legs was hovering over his, while her brain tried to make sense of what exactly was happening and how he could even be here, and why he hadn’t said anything.

A car behind tooted its horn at her apparently impatient to overtake them, and Gabriel rolled his eyes and pulled her the remainder of the distance into the car, and then apparently not as distracted by how this had landed her on top of him than she was, he pulled the door shut.

“Why on earth didn’t you get in the pavement side?” He said, his breath tickling against her ear.

“Why are you _here_?” She said focusing on what seemed like the important thing right now, rather than on their position, or on how comfortably she fit there.

“Collecting you.” He said, “Which seems rather necessary considering you almost got yourself hit by a car just now.”

“No I didn’t.” Nathalie said twisting round so she could speak to him face to face, “And, I told you I didn’t need picking up. How did you even know where I was?”

“Nathalie,” His voice came out rather strangled, “Could we have this conversation once you’re in your own seat?”

She blushed, and for the first time this evening she hoped she was flushed from the wine and how affected she was by the situation wasn’t obvious. Though it wasn’t like the situation wouldn’t have been embarrassing even if she didn’t have feelings for him.

There was an obvious obstacle to moving though that she had to point out.

“Sir? I can’t move unless you let go of me.”

“Right, yes, of course,” He said and finally released his arm from where it had been round her waist since he’d pulled her into the car.

She slid into the other seat, not particularly gracefully, and now she doesn’t have the constant distraction of being sat in Gabriel’s lap she realised what else was odd.

“Where’s your driver?” She asked confused at the empty front seat. If Gabriel was driving himself then his presence in the back was inexplicable.

“Ah,” Gabriel said then he raised his voice, “Car. Drive us home.”

The car pulled out of its own accord.

She stared at him.

“Tsurigi technology.” He said, “I had it installed when it became clear you weren’t going to be in a state to drive around.”

“Oh.” She said dumbly. For she knew it was inevitable and that it was a good and necessary thing seeing Gabriel take steps to replace her in his life, to have organised things _himself_ rather than asking her unsettled her.

It was something he had to do, something he _needed_ to do, but she was still here for now; he didn’t need to act like she wasn’t.

Instead of saying any of this she let her head fall against the cool window and hoped he couldn’t see any of her thoughts on her face.

Looking away from him was no defence from his Miraculous but he’d yet to remark on ever having sensed her emotions through there for whatever reason. She couldn’t claim to understand him enough to know why.

“I tracked your location from your phone.” Gabriel said eventually, “You should have said you were going out.”

She wanted to tell him to stop. To stop pretending at concern. To stop vacillating between treating her like she was too fragile to leave the house and then commanding her to transform. It only made everything harder. Harder to squash the hope that perhaps he’d realise that he could stop all of this.

“You seemed busy.” She carefully said instead, “I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“I was more disturbed by you leaving the house, and then not responding to me.”

“I’ll inform you in the future then sir.” She said, and went back to watching the streets of Paris flashing past her window.

All she had to do was keep quiet. If she didn’t talk then she couldn't say anything to embarrass herself. The journey wouldn't be that long.

Unfortunately Gabriel seemed unaccustomedly unable to accept the silence. He leant over and took the neckline of her dress where it met the sleeve between his fingers to feel it and frowned, “That’s a cheap dress.”

Trying to suppress any reaction to his hand brushing her skin she pointed out, “You don’t pay me enough to buy your clothes sir.”

“I could make you something.”

“That seems unnecessary. I don’t dress up much.”

“Did you have a good night at least?”

“No.”

Gabriel stared at her. “ _No?”_

She wasn't going to say anything. That's what she had decided and that's what's she's going to do. She's not working right now. He can't order her to talk.

She is _definitely_ not going to tell him that she had to listen to people telling her Papillon had a kinky mask.

Not talking is the best plan.

He didn't seem to pick up on her commitment to not talking. “You looked happy enough at the end I thought.”

This time she couldn’t stop herself giggling at the thought of his reaction if he’d actually known what had set her off before. “Not really.”

He looked at her as if she was a miss-stitched seam. “How drunk _are_ you?”

“Not sure.”

“Did,” He sounded uncertain, “Did something happen? After I called? You seemed ok then.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He shifted awkwardly in his seat and she wanted to laugh again at how the holder of the Butterfly Miraculous could be so awkward about emotions.

The silence that fell between them was awkward but she much preferred it to the alternative. At least she wasn’t saying anything stupid.

Unfortunately Gabriel didn’t seem to share her opinion. “I didn’t mean to imply you couldn’t date earlier. I know I don’t have the right to dictate that.”

“What?”

“On the phone call.”

“Right.” She nodded confused as to why he’d brought it up. He couldn’t think that between work, and Hawkmoth, and her condition she had the time or will for dating right now, “its fine. It’s not like I was planning to anyway.”

“I’m sorry.”

She stared at him trying to make sense of that. He was being _odd_ tonight. Even by his standards.

Gabriel continued, “I should have known better than to think you would never start something until you were completely cured. I know you wouldn’t put someone through what I went through with Emilie.”

She leant towards him and reached it to take his hand, “It’s alright. We’ll get her back, I’m going to help you get her back. I’m with you until the end. You know that.”

Gabriel’s eyes seemed to have got stuck somewhere below her face, then he blinked, then looked at the window. “I know.”

She couldn’t quite make sense of his reaction, and looked down her at her dress to check she hadn’t split anything on it. Then she realised that at _that_ angle she’d given him a view right down the front of her dress and she felt the heat rise to her face _again._

Great. First she’d sat on his lap, and then she’d pushed her cleavage in his face. If she screwed up for a third time tonight he’d think she was actually trying to seduce him, and she’d have no dignity at all.

She cringed at the anger and disappointment she imaged on his face as he berated her for disgracing Emilie’s memory. Or no, not memory, she supposed because that would be tantamount to admitting they weren’t going to be able to wake her up, and he’d never do that.

“I think you should drop me at my apartment,” She said in a desperate attempt to _not_ look like a wannabe homewrecker.

That caught his attention enough to make him look back at her, “What? We’re almost at the house. It’ll be silly to drive further.”

“I thought we agreed I was going back to my apartment _and_ you weren’t picking me up.”

He exhaled. “Don’t make a scene. It doesn’t suit you.”

She’d never liked arguing with Gabriel, but right now she felt like she might as well do it all in one go, “I need to move out.”

“Nathalie?”

“I shouldn’t be living in your house. It’s not right.”

“We’ll discuss this when you’re sober.”

“We _are_ going to discuss this sir. We have to.”

“Did someone say something?”

“No, no I managed to keep that much a secret. Though god knows what Julie thought of you picking me up.”

“Is she likely to spread rumours?”

“No. She’s a friend.”

“I don’t see the issue then.”

Nathalie stared at him as if that would make his non-reaction make sense. Sometimes she didn’t understand Gabriel at _all._ He was so protective of his image usually and then he’d just do something as if he didn’t care about it like this.

The car reached the house at that point saving her from needing to make any response, and she opened the car door to get out once it came to a stop. Gabriel appeared by her side just before they got to the entrance of the house, and offered her his arm.

She shook her head in amusement, all of this was rather sweet really but, “I can walk you know.”

He didn’t argue it but he did follow her the whole way to her room when they got in, apparently intent on supervising her the whole way to her bedroom. She stopped at the doorway, “What, are you going to watch me get ready for bed too?”

The moment she said it she regretted it. She’d meant to try to _not_ screw up a third time tonight.

Gabriel blushed, “No. That is. I didn’t mean to imply.”

“It’s fine.” She said. “Goodnight sir.”

* * *

She almost regretted that he hadn’t followed her in. Without the distraction of Gabriel and the distraction of not trying to embarrass herself in front of Gabriel, her feelings from earlier came back in full force.

All the others were successful, and in long term relationships, and _happy_ and normal, and meanwhile Nathalie was killing herself for a man devoted to his wife, on a quest she was starting to think they were never going to win despite what she told Gabriel.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Even without her make-up and with her hair tied up for bed she didn’t think she was bad-looking, but she’d never been able to get into a real relationship, and much as she knew it was _better_ that way, that it would have made all of this much harder if she was in one right now, and that this way if she _had_ to give her life for Emilie’s at least _she_ wouldn’t leave someone behind, she still couldn’t help but feel wistful about it.

It just would have been nice to be appreciated sometimes, and she knew rationally that Gabriel _did_ appreciate her as an assistant, and even as a friend, and it wasn’t as if she could expect anything more from him, and she didn’t even really want that. But. It would just be nice to be someone’s most important person for once.

That was as silly a thing to wish for as wishing that she could live in a world without superheroes and magic though. It wasn’t something she could change now. Not as she was. If things were going to have worked out differently for her she’d have had to make different choices years ago.

She tried to ignore the voices in her head comparing her to her friends and their lives, and focus on undoing the dress. Why the designer had put actual tiny round cloth-covered buttons on the back instead of a zip she’d never know.

She’d almost got a button through when it pinged out and caught her nail painfully.

“Ouch,” came out of her mouth automatically and she sucked at her finger to ease the pain. At least the nail didn’t seem have broken.

Bloody stupid dress. Clearly designed for functional people who had friends and partners around who they could ask to help them with it. The only person she could ask was Gabriel which - no.

How had she even got it on? Why didn’t she think what a bad option it had been then? Stupid _her._

The tears started welling up in her eyes before she knew what was happening and she was crying. She didn’t understand why. She wasn’t really _sad,_ just frustrated and jealous and annoyed at herself for being all of that when the whole situation was her own fault.

There was a knock and her door and she looked up at it.

“Nathalie?” Gabriel’s voice came through the door. “Can I come in?”

She wanted to say no, but then there wasn’t much reason to hide how she was when he could feel it anyway. And he _must_ have felt it despite her earlier thoughts about him not using his Miraculous on her, because otherwise he’d have no reason to be here.

She went and opened the door.

“Something _did_ happen didn’t it?” Gabriel said, “I should have brought you home earlier.”

“No nothing happened. I just. I don’t know why I’m acting like this. Hormones probably.” She suggested hoping that would put him off from prying further. “I don’t know. Everything just seemed to hit me at once, and then the stupid dress wouldn’t undo, and I kept thinking,” She suddenly realised she was babbling and, “I’m sorry, you don’t need to hear any of this.”

He took a step into the room, and shut the door behind him.

“Oh Nathalie,” he said, and then he hugged her.

She tensed for a moment before she returned it. This was alright. Friends hugged. They were friends. Sort of. He was only doing for her what she’d done for him.

She buried her face in his shoulder, “I’m sorry.”

“I think I’m the one that should be sorry. I’m the one putting you through this. You know,” he said, “seeing as you don’t seem to have had much fun tonight, _I’ll_ take you out for dinner one night. As a thank you. For everything you’ve done. And,” she could hear the distaste in his voice, “I’ll get you a better dress for it.”

“You don’t go out.” She pointed out.

“I do _sometimes_. And I don’t mind it so much when I don’t have to deal with people.”

“I’m not people?” 

“You’re you. That’s different.”

“Alright,” She smiled weakly, “That sounds nice. Oh,” she suddenly realised and looked up at him, “We could bring Adrien. He’d be so excited. Please.”

“Yes,” Gabriel’s jaw tensed, “We can bring Adrien.”

She let her head fall back against him before she realised what she was doing but he didn’t seem to mind.

“What’s wrong with the dress anyway?”

“Stupid buttons.” She mumbled.

“Let me see,” he let go of her and she mourned the lack of his warmth for a moment, as he walked round behind her.

His hand went to the first button still done up and undid it in a fraction of time it had taken her, and she tensed immediately as his fingers grazed her skin for the second time this night.

“Sorry.” He said, “I wasn’t thinking. I should have asked. Do you want me to stop?”

Her sense of propriety warred with how little she wanted to do it herself, and the latter won. “No, go on.”

It all went infuriatingly quickly. She’d _known_ the stupid thing was designed for people who had someone to help. “Right.” He said, “I should go.”

She turned her head round to look at him, and for a single crazy second she thought they were both about to lean in, before he said, “Goodnight again.”

“Goodnight.”

She watched the door for a long time after he’d left. She was sure she’d feel terribly embarrassed in the morning, but right now she couldn’t stop that final moment from playing over and over in her mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Have some one-shots that have been sitting on my computer for a while I procrastinate on my WIP


End file.
